Tips to navigate through the divorce process

The divorce process is a journey that will vary along the way – good days and bad days – and every individual’s journey is different.  There will be any number of competing emotions: bewilderment, confusion, anger, hurt, guilt, depression, worry, acceptance etc.  There is no rulebook for how a person should feel, how long divorce should take, or how soon they should move on.  Here are some of our tips to navigate through the divorce process:

1. Try not to worry. Try as best you can to accept that you will have a few tough months ahead, but you will emerge from the other side and you will be ok.  If you feel vulnerable, seek quality legal advice early on to understand options and what is ahead of you.  Take time for yourself – focus on activities you enjoy, or reconnect with people or pursuits to give you a healthy distraction.

2. Invest in quality advice. The best decisions are informed decisions.  If you need emotional support, find a good counsellor.  If you are worried about housing, speak to a financial advisor and mortgage broker.  If you have business interests, talk to your accountant and tax advisor.  Find a good quality solicitor who listens, gives tailored advice and explores all options with you at the outset.

3. Verify the financial details. Whether or not you hold the purse strings, check all assumptions about assets and liabilities.  Don’t guess the value of a house; get an estate agent(s) opinion.  Don’t guess the value of a pension; write to the trustees and ask for an updated value.  Gather bank statements, mortgage redemption figures, credit card statements and anything else relevant.  This allows informed decision-making.

4. Open and maintain dialogue, if practicable. However tense or awkward, this could be one of the best decisions you make moving through divorce.  It can reduce the costs of experts and allow for better longer-term relations where needed.  If you cannot speak direct, use a trusted neutral family member or friend as a go-between.

5. Respect each other, if you can. If that proves too challenging, at least respect each other’s role as co-parents.  Allowing negativity to pervade your thoughts and decisions during divorce sets you on a path that is hard to leave, and is unfair on any children.  Try and focus on the practical, as your emotional health will appreciate it later.

6. Children are paramount. They didn’t choose what is happening and cannot control how or when it will end.  Children often feel a strong sense of responsibility to fix the problems they are seeing and often have torn loyalties.  Children should only need to process the bits that they can cope with.  Encourage dialogue and questions; don’t discuss adult issues; be honest if you don’t yet have an answer; and reassure, reassure, reassure.

7. Explore all forums to resolve disagreements and find resolution.  Mediation offers a neutral professional to aid conversations and explore solutions; round table and collaborative working brings everyone together for constructive discussions; arbitration offers a quicker, private option to court proceedings; ‘kitchen table’ discussions allow the two of you to work together at home.  Making the right choice early on and sticking with it can pay dividends in your new future. 

Prettys’ Family Team are multi-skilled in their approaches to family matters.  The team consists of trained mediators, collaborative lawyers with years of experience in round table working, and experienced litigators.  We have a thriving mediation practice and are creative and tailored in our approach to finding resolution.  More information can be found at https://prettys.co.uk/services/for-individuals/family-law/, you will also be able to contact a member of the team, we will be pleased to assist you.