When parents separate, focus is usually on the time they will spend with their children with less thought given to wider family members, such as grandparents. Whilst this is quite understandable, there may be other family members who have played an integral part in a child’s life but who suddenly find themselves cast aside. If a separation is bitter, emotional feelings can all too easily be projected onto other family members until they too come into the firing line for what are often unspecified misdemeanours. All too often, family lawyers hear clients say “they’re our children!” if they feel irritated at requests from grandparents or wider family for time with the children. Family units in 2022 are now so varied, however, that time spent by children with wider family can be of just as much value as time spent with parents.
In today’s modern world, grandparents can often be first in line for sharing childcare, especially if both parents work. It is very common for grandparents to provide regular care, meals and assist with travel arrangements. In a happy relationship between parents this assistance happens with little debate; the grandparents enjoy a close and regular relationship with their grandchildren and are an integral part of the family unit.
Upon separation, relationships can fracture and/or new partners can enter the family unit. Priorities can change and grandparents may find their presence less welcome. Consideration is not always given to how the children may feel about this change. For many children, particularly those caught up in bitter long-running separations, grandparents can be a port in a storm. A responsible grandparent will strive to remain neutral and offer continuity and quiet support for the children to try and minimise the impact of conflict and separation. Observing from a distance, grandparents can often offer wise counsel so far as the needs of the children are concerned, though this advice is not always so easily welcomed.
What can grandparents do in this situation?
For grandparents completely shut out, there may be a way back to a relationship with grandchildren. If mediation or round table discussion cannot achieve rapprochement, the court will entertain applications by grandparents under the Children Act 1989. Grandparents must apply for permission from the court to make their application, but this is rarely denied. Children Act applications have the welfare and interests of the children at their core, and if someone is moved to apply to court in respect of a child, the court will want to understand the nature of that application. If the court see merit in the application they will hear it, with the power to dismiss if the application appears unrealistic or unsustainable.
The benefit of the court focusing on a child’s interests is that the court are not always persuaded by the views of the parents and can ignore any projecting of emotions in the direction of grandparents. Instead, the court focus on what the grandparents can offer the children and will particularly encourage stability, consistency and reliability. Grandparents can be granted lives with Orders if they can offer a more stable home than the parents. Grandparents can be granted spends time with Orders if they wish to see the children regularly.
In conclusion
The court will find a balance between parents and grandparents. Children Orders for grandparents must be realistic and manageable and Orders for grandparents cannot overreach the parents’ rights, unless it is in the children’s interests to do so. A spends time with Order might offer a regular touch point such as having the grandchildren weekly or monthly for a half-day, a day, a meal, or an activity. If a grandparent presents an application thoughtfully, acknowledging the parents’ rights and offering a gentle additional benefit in terms of time spent with grandchildren, the court may well find this persuasive and more normal service can resume: pocket money and sweets, optional.
