Silver splitters: divorcing in twilight years

When news of Bill and Melinda Gates’ divorce broke, for many observers the focus was on their fortune and how it would be shared. It was not just their wealth, however, that made the story unusual. Some were surprised that after 27 years together it was no longer possible for 65-year-old Bill and 56-year-old Melinda to sustain their marriage. Whatever their fortune and the reasons for the Gates separating, (and there have been myriad rumours since), the end of a long marriage brings a unique set of challenges for the spouses and their lawyers.

The ending of a marriage, however long, is of course rarely easy. The particular difficulty with long marriages is not just the emotional untangling of decades of family life together, but also the brutal reality of starting over practically and financially later in life. We all dream of coasting to an easy retirement, but for ‘silver splitters’ that dream can evaporate with little warning right on the cusp of their retirement. And not all pensioners have billions to cushion the blow.

One of the hardest aspects of dealing with later life divorcing spouses is helping them to adapt to what can be harsh new realities. Most couples hope to be approaching retirement near or actually mortgage-free. Pensions are close to ripening and some may have come into payment already. Debt is likely to have been extinguished, and working hours may be reducing ready for more relaxing times ahead. Despite these apparent comforts, suddenly a divorcing spouse may be faced with the possibility of significantly downsizing; moving from owned to rented property; taking on or increasing a mortgage, potentially to age 75; working past retirement age; deferring pension receipt; earned joint income dropping to a shared single pension income; and taking on debt to start again independently. If divorce is the decision of one spouse, the unassuming spouse can find their unexpected new future particularly difficult to digest.

The most important person in a silver splitter’s new life will not initially be their divorce lawyer, but a financial advisor. A financial advisor is an essential element to helping a later life divorcing couple navigate their financial choices. This practical assistance will be crucial in helping to understand pensions, mortgages, investments, income sources, and, most importantly, options. For spouses who relied on their other half to manage finances during the marriage, getting to grips with mystery phrases such as final salary, defined benefits, income yields, and fixed term and standard variable rates, will be overwhelming. For some, it will add another layer of stress, upset and confusion on top of the fact of separation. Having a specialist on hand to unpick and simplify choices will be invaluable for the client.

The building of a robust support team around a later life divorcing client should be a priority for a family lawyer. A three-way meeting with a financial advisor should be arranged early on to help the client start to understand options. It will also assist the family lawyer to know those options so that the client has a practical sounding board, as well as a legal one, if needed. This may be information that has to be revisited in bite-size chunks over weeks and months to encourage acceptance and slowly rebuild confidence. Divorcing later in life offers very limited options in terms of recovering monies lost. Therefore, whatever decisions are made now may well set a status quo to end of life and so they demand proper care and attention.

It will also be sensible to arrange counselling for particularly overwhelmed clients. Family lawyers are of course acutely aware of the challenges and limited options that can lay ahead for some clients; it will take a lot longer, however, for the clients themselves to come to terms with these. Often, silver splitters can feel angry and resentful that financial security built over years has been lost, and/or they feel a loss of control and sense of bewilderment that the person they came to rely wholly upon for years will no longer be offering that support. This is where adult children willing to support can have a valuable role. Including adult children in a neutral capacity in client meetings provides familiar support for the client. Often adult children are most ideally placed to keep focus for the client on what they know is most important to the client’s concerns. Sometimes, adult children can also be the most effective intermediary between their parents.

Rebuilding self-esteem, being patient with anxious clients, talking through choices, and giving back a sense of control is not just a kindness, it is vital for a client starting over. Twilight divorces should be managed sensitively, slowly and thoughtfully so that a nervous client is equipped to adapt to their future. Despite her magnificent wealth, even Melinda Gates took time to carefully plan her exit strategy and new future - and one suspects she may yet have the last laugh.

Expert
Georgina Rayment
Partner, Head of Family, Mediator