Divorce and Separation in Later Life

The ending of any relationship, however long, is rarely easy. The particular difficulty with the ending of long relationships is not just the emotional untangling of decades of family life together, but also (what can be) the challenging reality of starting over practically and financially later in life. We all dream of coasting to an easy retirement, but for ‘silver separators’ that dream can sometimes evaporate with little warning right on the cusp of retirement.

Financial Realities Facing ‘Silver Separators’

One of the hardest aspects of dealing with later life relationships ending is helping the individual adapt to what can be challenging financial realities. Most couples hope to be approaching retirement near or actually mortgage-free. Pensions are close to ripening and some may have come into payment already. Debt is likely to have been extinguished, and working hours may be reducing ready for more relaxing times ahead. Despite these apparent comforts, suddenly a client may be faced with the possibility of significantly downsizing; taking on or increasing a mortgage; working past retirement age; deferring pension receipt; earned joint income dropping to a shared single pension income; and taking on debt to start again independently. If separation is the decision of only one of the couple, their unassuming other half can find their unexpected new future particularly difficult to digest.

Why Financial Advice Is Crucial in Later Life Separation

The most important person in a silver separator’s new life will not initially be their lawyer, but a financial advisor. A financial advisor is an essential element to helping a later life separating couple navigate their financial choices. This practical assistance will be crucial in helping to understand pensions, mortgages, investments, income sources, and, most importantly, options. For individuals who relied on their other half to manage finances during the marriage, getting to grips with mystery phrases such as final salary, defined benefits, income yields, and fixed term and standard variable rates, will be overwhelming. For some, it will add another layer of stress, upset and confusion on top of the fact of separation. Having a specialist on hand to unpick and simplify choices will be invaluable for that individual.

The building of a robust support team around a later life separating client should be a priority for a family lawyer. If beneficial, a three-way meeting with a financial advisor should be arranged early on to help the client start to understand options. It will also assist the family lawyer to know those options so that the client has a practical sounding board, as well as a legal one, if needed. This may be information that has to be revisited in bite-size chunks over weeks and months to encourage acceptance and slowly rebuild confidence. Separating later in life offers very limited options in terms of recovering monies lost. Therefore, whatever decisions are made now may well set a status quo to end of life and so they demand proper care and attention.

The Emotional Impact and Importance of Mental Health Support

It can also be sensible to arrange counselling for those who feel overwhelmed. Often, silver separators can feel angry, disappointed or resentful that financial security built over years has been lost, and/or they feel a loss of control and sense of bewilderment that the person they came to rely wholly upon for years will no longer be offering that support. This is where adult children willing to support can have a valuable role. Often adult children are most ideally placed to keep focus for the individual on what they know is most important to their parent’s concerns. Sometimes, and in the right circumstances, adult children can also be the most effective intermediary between their parents.

Helping Clients Rebuild Confidence and Take Control

Rebuilding self-esteem, being patient with anxious clients, talking through choices, and giving back a sense of control is not just a kindness, it is vital for a client starting over. Twilight separations and divorces should be managed sensitively, slowly and thoughtfully so that a nervous client is equipped to adapt to their future. Prettys’ Family Team has extensive experience in managing later life divorces and separations and can offer a breadth of resolution options, co-working with other professionals, to help clients navigate into a new hopeful future.  

How We Can Help

Prettys’ Family Team are multi-skilled in their approaches to family matters.  The team consists of trained mediators, collaborative lawyers with years of experience in round table working, and experienced litigators.  We have a thriving mediation practice and are creative and tailored in our approach to finding resolution.  You can contact me in confidence at grayment@prettys.co.uk and for more information on the services our practice offers you click here to find out more.